


Fear and Resolve

by talesofsymphoniac



Category: Tales of Graces, Tales of Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Richass Week 2016, Tales of Graces f - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofsymphoniac/pseuds/talesofsymphoniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>F arc. The night before the final battle against the Little Queen, Richard worries about Asbel's decision to trust Lambda.</p><p>Written for Day Six of Richass Week: Courage to Face Fears</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Resolve

It was the night before they had planned their final attack on Fodra’s core and the Little Queen, and things were tense in Telos Astue. The party had scattered, either making last-minute preparations for tomorrow or lost in thought. In their own, private way, everyone was steeling themselves, all too conscious of the risks their plans held.

Richard was no exception. Though he knew he should sleep, he could not stop fretting about Asbel. His plan to cooperate with Lambda was had been met with uncertainty and fear from the others, and even outrage and devastation from Cheria. Only Richard had any experience with being possessed by Lambda’s power, though, and it was because of this that he felt the most responsible for whatever may happen to Asbel should they go through with this plan.

Lambda terrified him: the way he’d taken control, caused Richard to do horrific things, even hurt Asbel and the others, all in the name of some long-corrupted ideal. These things still haunted Richard, but even they were not the main reason for his restlessness. No, what truly terrified him, what he could never forgive himself for, was that Lambda had convinced him that he was in the right.

Lambda had seemed to sympathize with his desperate loneliness, his despair at the overwhelming evil in the world, and his desire to create peace. Though he and Richard were six months separated, Richard still had nightmares of the way Lambda had found Richard’s fears, the worst parts of him, and brought them to the forefront. Despite his undying faith in Asbel, the skill with which Lambda had turned him not so long ago gave him incredible anxiety.

Asbel seemed sure of Lambda. Richard didn’t know whether that fact made him feel relieved or more fearful than ever. He trusted Asbel with his life and knew that his instincts were good, and wanted dearly to trust his judgement, but then again, Asbel was also naive and kindhearted, some might say to a fault.

Some might say that, it was true, but Richard did not count himself among them. In his opinion, Asbel’s kindness was one of his most admirable traits and part of what made him such a good leader and friend. Lambda had understood that from the beginning too: The trait Richard loved most in Asbel, he’d said.

In many ways, this was true. Asbel’s kindness had led him to save Richard in so many different ways. He’d literally saved his life, of course, on more than one occasion, but he’d saved Richard from loneliness and despair as well. He’d never stopped believing in Richard, despite his betrayal, his weakness, his unforgivable actions.

But this journey had introduced him to many kind people. Sophie, who had felt the same kind of guilt about fighting him. The Captain, always willing to lend an ear or crack a joke, or Pascal, whose constant cheer could always be counted on to buoy everyone’s spirits. Cheria, steadfast, a heart full of love, determined to ease others’ suffering. Even Hubert, stiff as he could be, was truly kind at heart, even if he was reluctant to show it. They’d all kept trying to save Richard, even when the task seemed hopeless. Richard had been fortunate to befriend such kind people, and as a result, he was coming to the conclusion that “kindness” didn’t quite encompass the singular importance of Asbel Lhant.

Asbel, who went out of his way to help a child he didn’t even know. Asbel, who saved him and refused any kind of reward for doing so. Who Richard trusted when he didn’t trust anyone else in the world. Asbel, the first friend he’d ever had.

Asbel, who, when Richard begged him for forgiveness after returning to himself, despite knowing with all his heart that he would never deserve it, had held him close and said gently, “You don’t need to apologize. I’m just so happy you’re safe,” with honesty in every aspect of his expression.

At that moment, Richard decided that perhaps the trait that made Asbel so different, so irreplaceable, was his constant, unwavering sincerity. Sincerity that made Richard feel safe, relieved, understood. Loved. Sincerity that could, for just a moment, through all his guilt and shame and regret, make Richard feel hopeful again.

Still, he had to wonder: Could Lambda be manipulating Asbel’s kindness and sincerity, even now? Asbel said Lambda meant them no harm. He’d protected them, seemingly without any gain to himself. Perhaps he was trying to win Asbel over, waiting for an excuse to encourage Asbel to give himself up to Lambda.

If such a thing happened, it would fall to Richard and the others to get him back or die trying. But what if the task proved impossible? What if the only solution was to kill Asbel?

Richard shuddered. Too many what-ifs, none of them pleasant to consider. There was no way to plan, there were too many variables. Was this how Asbel had felt, entering the Lastalia with the intent to stop Lambda and save Richard?

Asbel. In a worst-case scenario, tonight could be Richard’s last opportunity to speak with Asbel as a friend. Whatever he did not say now may very well remain unspoken forever.

At that thought, Richard turned to see the man himself, trailed by Sophie. Both wore serious expressions, but Richard saw, as he always did, a gentleness in Asbel’s features.

“Asbel. Sophie.” He greeted them with an easy smile, not yet willing to betray the nature of this thoughts.

Asbel returned the smile, but Richard could see that it was not completely genuine. “Can’t sleep, Richard?”

Richard understood. Asbel could sense everyone’s anxiety and was doing his best to ease everyone’s minds. Always so concerned for others. In that case, Richard thought, perhaps it would be for the best to let Asbel do what he’d come to do. It would have been difficult to admit to anyone else, but with Asbel, the words came easily.

“I keep trying, but I fear it’s a lost cause,” he confessed. Despite knowing that Asbel was probably checking on everyone, not just him, he found it impossible to ignore the way Asbel’s intense gaze made something flutter in his stomach. “I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow. About what I would do if you ended up like… me.”

Asbel shook his head. “I told you, that’s not going to happen,” he said with certainty. He paused, considering his next words. “Remember when we were young? I was so happy to know that you trusted me.”

Richard smiled slightly at the memory, the turning point of his childhood. Asbel mirrored his expression, and he knew they were both reflecting on that first meeting. How far they’d both come.

The moment was short, however. “When I grew up,” he continued, “I made one terrible mistake after another, but it helped me to know I could support you.” Not for the first time, Richard was in awe of Asbel’s brand of natural charisma; his words, exuding sincerity and passion, were beginning to pull Richard in. “Without that trust, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.”

Richard was taken aback by Asbel’s admission, spoken so matter-of-factly. Hearing the man he thought so highly of, the man who had saved him from assassins, from eternal loneliness, even from destroying himself, make such a heartfelt confession was enough to make him feel a little tipsy. It was worth more than Asbel could possibly know, the knowledge that Richard had changed a man such as Asbel’s life for the better. Then, Asbel looked at him, and for a second, Richard could trick himself into believing that expression held the same fondness, appreciation, and-- dare he even think it?-- love as in the looks Richard bestowed upon Asbel.

Before Richard could make up his mind, Asbel grew more serious. “It’s the same with Lambda,” he said. “I need to trust him.” Asbel’s words carried no room for debate. “I need to believe in whatever made him protect us.”

Richard was left breathless once again by Asbel’s resolve, his powerful force of personality. If he was this affected, surely Lambda much be as well. What would he think of such undisguised trust? No, hardly just trust; this was almost beyond that. Asbel’s conviction was such that although Richard couldn’t say he shared it, he suddenly knew without a doubt that his own trust in Asbel was as unreserved as it had been when he’d found him in the catacombs on the brink of death.

Asbel was still awaiting his answer. Richard struggled to organize his thoughts. “When Lambda was inside me, I… I was enslaved by him. I wasn’t able to face him the way you can.” Almost without thinking about it, Richard took a step closer to the amazing man before him. Asbel held his gaze, never breaking the connection, and Richard’s head was spinning, and this was his last chance to tell Asbel about these feelings, wasn’t it? Making his decision, feeling as if he would burst if he didn’t say something this minute, Richard lifted a hand to gently rest on Asbel’s cheek.

Asbel didn’t flinch, or even appear to find Richard’s actions surprising. He just kept looking at Richard with unwavering tenderness. Waiting for what he would say next. This was it. Richard opened his mouth, still unsure exactly what he wanted to say. “You’re amazing,” might be a nice start, followed by “I’ve always thought so, from when we were little,” which could lead to the crucial, “And I’ve always loved you.”

But before Richard could choose the words, his world was snapped out of focus. He could no longer hear the low buzz of Telos Astue or feel the warmth of Asbel’s cheek on his hand. Terror leapt into his heart as he heard a familiar voice, the one that had cursed his nightmares for far too long.

“We haven’t spoken in a while, Richard.” Richard could not move or speak, could not even see anything besides the purple glow of Lambda in what was Asbel’s eye or hear anything besides that cold voice. “We used to feed off resentment, and it allowed us to grow strong. We believed we could save each other from loneliness.” Lambda’s voice was tinged with amusement.

As he spoke, Richard regained his sense of sight, his heart still pounding from fear. But he wasn’t looking at Asbel or anything on Fodra. He was in the interior of his castle: his old fort, his refuge when the world’s evil was too much for a child to bear. Other locations flashed by, and Richard realized that Lambda was accessing his memories. Richard’s or Lambda’s memories, whoever they belonged to, continued to flash past.

“But I don’t need to tell you how that turned out.” The memories became more recent: his coronation, his attack on Lhant, sucking the valkines cryas dry, falling to his knees in the middle of the desert, fighting desperately for control of himself. They culminated in the image of Asbel, hand reaching out to accept Lambda’s spirit into himself.

“You and I are indebted to this man,” Lambda said, and Richard believed he heard the voice soften the slightest amount. “I will repay my debt,” he vowed, his voice fading into the drones of Telos Astue. As color was restored to Richard, he heard Lambda’s final words: “The path you choose is up to you.”

“Lambda…” Richard breathed, his heartbeat slowing. Asbel looked worried. At some point, through no conscious action of his own, Richard’s hand had fallen to his side. “Asbel, I just heard Lambda.”

At this, Sophie reacted noticeably, suddenly alert and tense. Richard did his best to reassure her. “Sophie, I think Lambda and Asbel are actually getting along. You won’t have to fight him again.” Sophie seemed to relax, and Richard turned back to Asbel, meeting his eyes once again. “I’ve decided to place my trust in Lambda as well.”

Asbel smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Richard.”

Richard took in the sight of the man in front of him and realized he wasn’t merely trying to comfort Sophie. Although he was reluctant to admit it, it was true that Lambda was like him in many ways. In that case… perhaps Asbel, in his kindness, honesty, purity, was the saving grace both of them needed.

 _Can you hear me, Lambda?_ Richard thought. _I know I failed you, and so you may not care what I have to say… But please, protect him._

“Are you okay?” Asbel asked, breaking Richard from his thoughts. “Maybe you should try to sleep again.”

Richard thought once more on words left unsaid, but Lambda’s sudden appearance had shaken his nerve. Was this really something that needed saying? It wasn’t as if anything could come of it, after all, even in the best-case scenario. Lambda’s words echoed in his head: _You and I are indebted to this man… I will repay my debt. The path you choose is up to you._ What would be best for Asbel? To avoid burdening him with the truth of his feelings, or to offer them up and allow him to do as he wished with them? Which was the correct choice? He shook his head; there was no way Lambda could have been thinking of this scenario, anyway. “Asbel,” he said, breaking the silence uncertainly. He still hadn’t made up his mind.

Asbel leaned forward, the picture of attentiveness. “What is it, Richard?”

Richard gulped, watching as Sophie wandered over to where the Captain stood, and Richard wondered later if that was the deciding factor, in the end. Perhaps that opportunity, that one moment of privacy she had so unwittingly provided was what gave him the resolve he needed.

“I wanted to say…” he began, his heart pounding in his chest. “I was going to tell you something.”

Asbel said nothing, but waited patiently for him to continue. “If something happens tomorrow…” Richard took a deep breath and forged ahead. “I want you to know... the depth of my regard for you.”

Asbel frowned, puzzled. “The depth of your--?”

Richard scolded himself for his horribly formal choice of phrasing. He looked down and realized his hands were shaking, too. He flexed his fingers, trying and failing to calm himself before speaking. He couldn’t afford to mess up now that he’d come so close.

“Yes. You see, I… I love you, Asbel,” he said quickly. “As a friend and… and more. I would go to the ends of the earth for you-- actually, it seems I already have.” He chuckled a bit at his little joke, avoiding making eye contact with Asbel for fear of his reaction.

“Richard?”

He was too flustered to read the tone of Asbel’s voice. “I-- you were my first friend, and so kind, and then we met again and you saved me, and, Asbel… You don’t have to feel obligated to… to say anything. Regardless of how you may feel about me, I wanted you to know-- I think you deserve to know.”

“Richard,” Asbel said again, and Richard realized how agitated he’d gotten.

“You really don’t have to say anything,” he said again, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Asbel cut him off, grabbing him by the shoulders so suddenly that Richard was shocked into silence. “You don’t have to apologize for something like that!” His voice was emphatic, almost sounding angry, but at what Richard couldn’t determine. Richard’s eyes widened, and Asbel seemed to realize what he’d done, loosening his grip. When he spoke again, it was softly. “Richard, I-- do you mean all that?”

Richard couldn’t tear his eyes from Asbel’s. His heart pounding faster than ever, he took a slow breath. “I do. I always have.” He was suddenly aware that Asbel’s hands were still resting on his shoulders.

Asbel didn’t remove them. “Richard, I… I’m not quite as good with words as you, but… It’s the same for me. And as long as you want me there, I’m going to stay by your side, no matter what.”

He carefully slid one hand to cup Richard’s face. Richard’s breath hitched; it was exactly the same as before Lambda had cut into their conversation, but this time Richard was the one feeling Asbel’s hand, warm and gentle against his cheek. “I’m always going to want you by my side, Asbel.”

Asbel nodded so briefly it was almost imperceptible, his eyes flickering down to Richard’s slightly parted lips. Richard’s heart skipped a beat.

“Asbel.” The word was too breathy, almost a shudder. “I… I don’t want you to do anything you may regret. You understand--”

“I know.” Asbel’s thumb brushed against his cheekbone. “But Richard…” Richard was unable to resist when Asbel leaned forward, angling Richard’s face towards him. Richard shivered, allowing his eyes to slide closed. “I don’t think I’ll regret this.” he murmured, finally bringing their lips together.

Richard wasn’t sure how long the kiss lasted; the mere fact of its existence was nearly too much for him to handle, never mind any of the details. The next thing he was aware of was Asbel pulling away, though one hand remained near his jaw, the other having found its way around his waist.

“Richard?” In Asbel’s voice, his name was spoken with so much care. Richard wanted to say something that would give Asbel the rush of comfort that one word gave to him, but he could think of nothing.

“I… I’m afraid I don’t know what to say,” he whispered after some seconds of floundering.

“That’s okay,” Asbel said simply. His let his hands fall from Richard’s shoulders, taking his hands instead and caressing his fingers lightly. “After tomorrow, we’ll have plenty of time.”

Asbel’s words brought Richard back to reality. He remembered the threat of tomorrow, the Little Queen and Lambda’s promise. He remembered his kingdom, their positions, Asbel’s impending engagement, his own obligations. Asbel squeezed his hands, steadying him. Richard looked down at their linked hands and remembered that their problems were far from over, even if Lambda did keep his word.

But despite everything, he trusted Asbel. Things would work out, somehow. _I’m going to stay by your side, no matter what._ Seeing Asbel’s tender expression, feeling the echo of his kiss on Richard’s lips, he had no choice but to believe that. That was one of Asbel’s gifts; no matter how bleak their prospects seemed, something about him had always given Richard hope. It was far more than Richard had ever known.

So he released his fear, for the time being, at least, and nodded. “Yes,” he said with conviction. “We will.”


End file.
